The big day arrived quickly.  Within four days of cutting my hair, it was time to go all the way.  I couldn’t touch my head without hair dropping off.  So last night I handed my son the clippers and let him do the honors.  He handled it like a champ!  I think he may have even enjoyed it – it’s not often you get to shave another person’s head!

My hair is now close-cropped and patchy and my head is a bit itchy.  I’m waiting on a custom wig that won’t be in for several weeks, but in the meantime, I’m trying some other ones.  This one looked pretty good yesterday when I tried it on.  They’ve definitely come a long way in the past 20 years.

I wore the wig today when I went to acupuncture and ran errands and, unfortunately, it felt pretty awful!  I remember how I couldn’t wait to get home and take off my wig the last time I went through treatment and it was the same today.  It doesn’t seem to fit as well as it did when I tried it on since I now have no hair, so I’ll need to figure that out.

I’ve tried throughout my diagnosis, surgery and first few rounds of chemotherapy to stay positive and live in a place of gratitude for the many good things in my life.  And while I will continue to do so, losing my hair makes this experience so much more real. For the past few months, I had been able to go about my life as if not much had changed.  Others would comment on how well I looked because in reality, I looked the same as I always had.

Many people find it upsetting to lose their hair during treatment, but unless you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to truly understand.  It’s not just vanity.  Long after the treatment is finished and your body feels healthy and well, you look in the mirror and see someone other than yourself.  On a daily basis you’re reminded of something you’re so ready to put behind you.  It will take me nearly two years to grow my hair to the length it was before treatment.  Two years is a long time to wait to feel whole again.