Just a quick note to let everyone know that I’m doing well. Last week was tough, and although I was better by Saturday, it took until Monday for me to really start feeling close to normal. The nausea is always just a little bit present and this week I’ve had sinus headaches and congestion, but overall I’m feeling well. The storm has passed for the time being and I’m looking forward to sunny days ahead.
Month: March 2017
Ouch.
Well, this one took me down for a bit. I had both Taxol and carboplatin on Monday and felt pretty well until yesterday. I had acupuncture in the morning and hoped that would keep any nausea at bay. By midday, though, I was feeling some nausea and had a developing headache. I’m not able to take over-the-counter medication like Advil or Tylenol for pain because they can mask a fever and fevers are very dangerous for me (anything above 100 requires a trip to the emergency room). I took the pain reliever they prescribed, Tramadol, but the headache seemed to get worse. By evening, I was in intense pain and began vomiting. I don’t know if the vomiting was the result of the chemo drugs, the headache pain or even possibly the pain reliever itself since that can be a side effect. Needless to say, I didn’t want to take any more and chance feeling worse (although that didn’t seem possible!).
This morning I was able to reach a nurse and was told I could either double the dose of Tramadol (no, thanks!) or take Tylenol every eight hours and monitor my temperature. If I didn’t get some relief, I would need to go into the ER. Fortunately, after taking the Tylenol, my headache lifted enough for me to sleep for a while. When I got up, I was able to eat a little bit. I hadn’t had much of anything since the morning before, so I was feeling pretty weak.
I can still feel a dull headache, but it’s currently tolerable. I’m hoping it doesn’t return with the intensity of last night. I’m looking forward to next week when I only get the Taxol. That one seems easy peasy now.
Gone today … hair tomorrow!
The big day arrived quickly. Within four days of cutting my hair, it was time to go all the way. I couldn’t touch my head without hair dropping off. So last night I handed my son the clippers and let him do the honors. He handled it like a champ! I think he may have even enjoyed it – it’s not often you get to shave another person’s head!
My hair is now close-cropped and patchy and my head is a bit itchy. I’m waiting on a custom wig that won’t be in for several weeks, but in the meantime, I’m trying some other ones. This one looked pretty good yesterday when I tried it on. They’ve definitely come a long way in the past 20 years.
I wore the wig today when I went to acupuncture and ran errands and, unfortunately, it felt pretty awful! I remember how I couldn’t wait to get home and take off my wig the last time I went through treatment and it was the same today. It doesn’t seem to fit as well as it did when I tried it on since I now have no hair, so I’ll need to figure that out.
I’ve tried throughout my diagnosis, surgery and first few rounds of chemotherapy to stay positive and live in a place of gratitude for the many good things in my life. And while I will continue to do so, losing my hair makes this experience so much more real. For the past few months, I had been able to go about my life as if not much had changed. Others would comment on how well I looked because in reality, I looked the same as I always had.
Many people find it upsetting to lose their hair during treatment, but unless you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to truly understand. It’s not just vanity. Long after the treatment is finished and your body feels healthy and well, you look in the mirror and see someone other than yourself. On a daily basis you’re reminded of something you’re so ready to put behind you. It will take me nearly two years to grow my hair to the length it was before treatment. Two years is a long time to wait to feel whole again.
Lean on Me
I was going to title this entry “Hair today … gone tomorrow” but decided to dig a little deeper. 🙂 Yes, the hair is going quickly. The first few strands came out in the brush yesterday morning, but by today I could run my fingers through my hair and end up with a good bunch in my hands. Time to take action.
I went for a walk with a close friend, updating her on the latest effects of my treatment. When I told her about the hair starting to come out and that I was going to cut it later today, she immediately asked if I wanted help with it. Yes! What a terrific idea! I had been wondering how I was going to reach the back! So after our walk, we put on some music and chatted as she combed my wet hair, dropped loose strands into the waste basket and trimmed my hair into a pixie cut. We burst into laughter after she said, “I think I need to cut it this way. Oh. Whoops.” Hey, it’s all good. It won’t be here much longer so chunky and funky works just fine.
Just after she left, I was cleaning up in the bathroom when Lean on Me came on the radio. Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on. Thanks to C., this part of the process went from something I was going to tackle on my own, to one I genuinely enjoyed sharing with her. My friends have been diligent about reminding me, directly and indirectly, that I am not alone in this. How lucky I am to have them to lean on.
The next song that came on was All Right Now. Yes, indeed. 🙂
Guardian Angels and Special Friends
First, an update for this week – I felt really good! This week was just Taxol, so I was hoping it would be easier and it was. I had acupuncture on Wednesday, two days after treatment, which also helped. But whatever the reason, I’m thankful to have felt so well. It allowed me to really enjoy the meals my friends and family brought me! I’ve been instructed to get extra protein during treatment, so I’m trying to pay more attention to what I’m eating. (As my mother says, I tend to forget to eat. I don’t really forget; I just don’t feel like bothering with it, something my foodie friends cannot understand.) I’ve also been told to boost my Vitamin D – a lot – to 5000 IU per day. All of these things help to keep my energy up.
I was reminded this week about a wonderfully sweet gesture from my niece the first time I went through chemotherapy 20 years ago. She was only four years old at the time, and I don’t know what her parents told her, but she somehow understood that I was going through something difficult. She went to her toy box to pick out something to give to me. She chose a small stuffed bear in a white dress with gold wings. When I pressed the tummy, Angel Bear shared a secret message with me: “I’m your Guardian Angel. I’m your special friend.” I was so touched by the message, and so amazed that a four year-old chose such an appropriate and thoughtful gift. I found Angel Bear a few weeks ago when cleaning out a dresser and smiled as I listened to her sweet (albeit a bit creepy) voice. My niece is now a young adult preparing for her wedding this fall. I’m sad that I’ll be wearing a wig for her special occasion, but delighted to be part of her big day, and, more importantly, grateful for our special relationship. Maybe Angel Bear will come along in my purse.
So we begin . . .
I’m generally a private person, sharing personal details of my life only with my closest friends and family. So the idea of a blog focused exclusively on ME is a bit uncomfortable. But what I’ve discovered since my recent diagnosis is that I have many wonderful people watching out for me. I have friends and family and friends of family and friends of friends who are offering up prayers for me, sending me uplifting notes, sharing humor to brighten my day and regularly checking on my overall well-being. The power of that kindness and concern is great. I try to be a thank-you note writer, but in recent weeks I’ve found that to be a daunting task. I’ve received so much from so many. It was suggested to me that I start a blog about how I’m doing so that those who are keeping tabs on me – near and far – can check on me without feeling that they might be disturbing me. (I am never disturbed by kind and well-meaning inquiries, but I understand the notion of feeling intrusive.) And perhaps I can give at least general – albeit inadequate – thanks to all of those whose support I feel and appreciate daily.
My first chemo treatment was on Monday, February 27 and consisted of both drugs, Taxol and Paraplatin. The Taxol will be given weekly during the three months of treatment, as it’s been shown to be tolerated better in weekly doses, and the Paraplatin will be added every third week. I was delighted to find that my treatment was in a private room, with cable t.v. and warm blankets. I almost felt like I was lounging in a hotel room in the middle of the day! Everything went off without a hitch and a few hours later, I was enjoying lunch with my mom.
I had minimal issues with the nausea until Friday, when I was hit by such a huge and sudden wave of it that I felt I might pass out. Fortunately, I was visiting the Integrative Medicine department at MD Anderson at the time to learn about integrative and holistic practices I could incorporate into my treatment. One of those treatments with proven results in controlling nausea is acupuncture. Again, to my good fortune, a patient hadn’t shown up for their appointment that morning, so I was able to head straight into the acupuncture room after recovering from my near-fainting spell. This was my first experience with acupuncture, although I had been interested in trying it for quite a while. Very small needles were placed at points in my feet, legs, wrists and ears. There was no discomfort upon insertion of the needles, except for some mild pain with the ones in the ears. The acupuncturist told me that those points specifically correlated to the stomach, so it made sense that those areas were more sensitive given the nausea I was experiencing at that time. The needles were placed for twenty minutes, during which time I relaxed in a dark room with soothing music. It was lovely! Although I didn’t feel an immediate improvement in my nausea, and in fact, it persisted on and off for the rest of the day, I did feel better the following day. It was recommended that I have acupuncture the day before a chemo treatment and another two days after. I read online about a woman going through the same treatment who only had issues with side effects the one time she failed to have acupuncture.
When I arrived home from treatment on Monday, a dear friend had set up a healing altar in my bedroom containing photos and items from a number of my friends (shown in the photo above). I love my altar! I’ve been adding little things that bring me joy and using the space to take a moment to relax and breathe. I am filled with gratitude as I sit there, and the reminders of my support group bring me strength and peace.
Hip E Chic 